Where It All Began

I believe it’s been a year since I found myself running regularly.  It all began when I saw myself in a picture that was taken at my husband’s family reunion.  I looked frumpy, unhappy and uncomfortable in my own skin.  It was after seeing that picture that I forced myself on the treadmill everyday.

I was so out of shape I could barely walk let alone run.  The Couch to 5K app on my iPhone helped me to get started slowly.  With the program’s walking and running combinations I was able to succeed.  Some weeks of the training program I needed to repeat, but eventually I was running 30 minutes without having to take a walking break.

It was at this point that I decided to sign up for a local 5K and run my first race.  I was constantly bombarded on facebook with other peoples’ post race photos.  In the past when seeing those pictures I would think to myself how long 3 miles was and that it was something I could never do.  One day my train of thought changed from self-deprecation to jealousy.  Now I wanted to do what they were doing.  I wanted to run a 5K and pictorially brag about it on facebook.   My goal was set.  I would run a 5K.

I started my treadmill adventures in June 2010 and ran my first 5K the following October.  I pulled myself off the couch and worked hard for 4 months and I was finally ready to run my first race.  After arriving at the race I placed myself in the proper spot at the starting line and waited for the horn to signal the start.  As I crossed the starting line my throat tightened and tears were slowly making their way down my cheeks.  I WAS DOING IT.  I was doing something I once thought was never possible.  I set a goal and I was at the beginning of making it happen.  I ran that 5K race with my whole heart and soul.  It was physically and mentally taxing, but it felt good. I couldn’t help but smile and show my appreciation to each race volunteer I passed.  I crossed the finish line and I was in disbelief that it was over, that I did it.

As I walked to my car after the race I updated my facebook status to brag about completing the race.  I couldn’t have been more proud of myself.  When I got in my car I rested my head on the steering wheel and cried.  I cried because I set what I once believed was an impossible goal and I accomplished it.  My runner’s high lasted for at least a week after that first race.  I was hungry for more.

In the midst of all this I had been suffering with postpartum depression.  I was at a place in my healing where I was able to function in my everyday life.  I realized that running and racing pushed me over the wall between functioning and living.  I was living now.  Running gave me back myself.  It gave me goals, challenges and successes that belonged to only me.  I liked the new me.

In the past year I have run six 5Ks, a 10K and a 10 mile race.  I will continue to run and race and share my journey with you.

How did you find yourself running?

This entry was posted in postpartum depression, running. Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to Where It All Began

  1. Pingback: Feeling Left Out | Found Myself Running

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