Where It All Began

I believe it’s been a year since I found myself running regularly.  It all began when I saw myself in a picture that was taken at my husband’s family reunion.  I looked frumpy, unhappy and uncomfortable in my own skin.  It was after seeing that picture that I forced myself on the treadmill everyday.

I was so out of shape I could barely walk let alone run.  The Couch to 5K app on my iPhone helped me to get started slowly.  With the program’s walking and running combinations I was able to succeed.  Some weeks of the training program I needed to repeat, but eventually I was running 30 minutes without having to take a walking break.

It was at this point that I decided to sign up for a local 5K and run my first race.  I was constantly bombarded on facebook with other peoples’ post race photos.  In the past when seeing those pictures I would think to myself how long 3 miles was and that it was something I could never do.  One day my train of thought changed from self-deprecation to jealousy.  Now I wanted to do what they were doing.  I wanted to run a 5K and pictorially brag about it on facebook.   My goal was set.  I would run a 5K.

I started my treadmill adventures in June 2010 and ran my first 5K the following October.  I pulled myself off the couch and worked hard for 4 months and I was finally ready to run my first race.  After arriving at the race I placed myself in the proper spot at the starting line and waited for the horn to signal the start.  As I crossed the starting line my throat tightened and tears were slowly making their way down my cheeks.  I WAS DOING IT.  I was doing something I once thought was never possible.  I set a goal and I was at the beginning of making it happen.  I ran that 5K race with my whole heart and soul.  It was physically and mentally taxing, but it felt good. I couldn’t help but smile and show my appreciation to each race volunteer I passed.  I crossed the finish line and I was in disbelief that it was over, that I did it.

As I walked to my car after the race I updated my facebook status to brag about completing the race.  I couldn’t have been more proud of myself.  When I got in my car I rested my head on the steering wheel and cried.  I cried because I set what I once believed was an impossible goal and I accomplished it.  My runner’s high lasted for at least a week after that first race.  I was hungry for more.

In the midst of all this I had been suffering with postpartum depression.  I was at a place in my healing where I was able to function in my everyday life.  I realized that running and racing pushed me over the wall between functioning and living.  I was living now.  Running gave me back myself.  It gave me goals, challenges and successes that belonged to only me.  I liked the new me.

In the past year I have run six 5Ks, a 10K and a 10 mile race.  I will continue to run and race and share my journey with you.

How did you find yourself running?

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This entry was posted in postpartum depression, running. Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to Where It All Began

  1. Pingback: Feeling Left Out | Found Myself Running

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