One of those days

Today my oldest daughter, who is 5 years old, lost her most precious possession, her blankie.  She noticed it missing while we were at Grandma and Grandpa’s.  After everyone searched everywhere it still did not turn up.

Instead of calmly dealing with the situation my rage reared its ugly head.  Even though it’s been a year since I declared myself done with postpartum depression I still have bad days that are reminiscent of those times. Today was one of those days.

I became super irritated which escalated into a lot of yelling.  I heard myself shouting things like, “It was your responsibility!  If we find your blankie it’s never leaving your bedroom! I don’t want to hear you complain about it being missing!  Spend the time looking for it instead of crying!”  Which are obviously very unhelpful things to say to a very upset 5 year old.  Inside my head I knew that I was acting crazy and I was even thinking things like, “She’s 5.  This is her most special lovie.  She needs your support, not to be shouted at.”  But even while I was thinking these rational thoughts I was still boiling over with anger and rage while looking all over creation for this damn blanket.

I was certain the blankie never left the car, but maybe it fell out while I was getting the kids in and out.  Because my husband was closer to the places we were at earlier in the day he ended up searching.  He went to the Starbucks and ballet school, but no blankie.

My daughter played with Grandma and Grandpa while I spent time alone to calm down.  Later I went to the bathroom and there it was, the freakin’ blankie, in the one spot no one looked.

After the situation was resolved I spoke with my daughter calmly and apologized for being angry and yelling. I told her that loosing her blanket was just a mistake and that nothing was her fault and that I should have been more helpful.  I hope she forgives me.

This whole situation should have been no big deal, but somehow I was able to make it into a huge upset.   I am thankful that there are only a few bad days sprinkled in between many many good days.  In the past it was the reverse.

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4 Responses to One of those days

  1. Lena says:

    She will forgive you. The best thing my mom ever said to me is that she made mistakes. It helped me to remember that we are human and no one is perfect. It’s okay to give yourself a break when instances like this happen. Keep your chin up!

  2. I read your post knowing EXACTLY what those moments feel like… Particularly what you say to yourself in your mind, but your actions and what comes out of your mouth are so incredibly different. Thanks so much for your honesty! It makes me feel so much better to know these little “slips” are not mine alone. I’m still in the midst of my PND experience, but do hope to make it through the other side one day. I agree that by admitting your own mistakes makes you a pretty awesome mum. Thanks again.

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