Feeling Left Out

I was a part of a moms group that dissolved about 2 years ago.  I was plenty active in this group mostly participating in the mom’s night out activities.  The women in the group were open and friendly and super fun to hang out with.   We enjoyed many a mani/pedi parties, game nights, recipe contests etc.  Due to the natural progression of life the group began to dissipate shortly after I had my second baby.  Prior to this I stopped participating in the group because I was consumed with postpartum depression and did not have the motivation to leave my house to grocery shop, let alone go on social outings with other moms who in my head had it all together.  At the time I was not open about having postpartum depression.  I kept it a secret from everyone except my immediate family who couldn’t escape my wrath because they were living in the same house with me.  I’m sure that no one from the moms group had any clue of the depths of my suffering.

About a year passed and I was starting to feel human again.  I was actively working on digging myself out of my deep hole of depression.  I began working out and my love of running was starting to bloom.  I mentioned before that I noticed people posting their post race pictures on Facebook and how I looked at those in admiration and it fueled my desire to do the same.  Several of these posts were by women I knew from the moms group. After a while there were pictures of some of the women from the moms group doing races together. I commented a few times asking them to think of me the next time they sign up for a race and how I’d love to join them or to congratulate them on a finished race. I never received a response, major crickets chirping.

I can’t help but feel hurt.  I had to block these women from my newsfeed so that I wouldn’t feel down when I saw their race photos together, but recently I got curious and voluntarily looked at their pages and was only consumed with the same yucky feeling.  In the end it was best for me to “unfriend” them so I wouldn’t have the urge to peak at their profiles.  I question myself wondering if I did something to make these women uninterested in including me.  However, I never directly contacted any of them other than casual commenting on Facebook so for that I can only blame myself. I also question whether I caused animosity between these women and me when I was MIA while I was suffering from postpartum depression.  I guess I’ll never know unless I ask which I won’t do since I am sure that ship has already sailed.

After talking to a close friend about the situation, she gave some great advice which helped me put things into prespective.  In reality I grew apart from these women and we all went on with our everyday lives with no bad intentions.  My friend summed it up best when she said,  “Sometimes people pass thru our lives and sometimes they stay. Oh and sometimes they show up in the weirdest ways.”

I started out running solo and continued to do so for over a year.  I do have one awesome friend who’s joining me on my fitness journey although due to our schedules our paths are mostly parallel.  I also have another super cool friend who is beginning her running adventures and I am proud to say that I will be running a race along side her soon.  It’s only been recently that I have found other people to run with through a local running group. It’s slow and steady, but I am forming my own group of running buddies.  I hope that I can get past this gross feeling of being left out, put it behind me and continue on my own journey.

Have you ever felt this way?  Tell me I’m not alone.

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5 Responses to Feeling Left Out

  1. I hear you on post partum depression. And I too lost a lot of ‘friends’ because of it. I was for a long time filled with sadness and madness at being left out. But now that I look back, I feel like they moved on and I moved on too – only in different directions. All my old friends are involved in a lot of cultural stuff now, their kids carpool and playdate. I’m the odd man out. But – like you, i’ve found the running love and I run for myself.
    This is a new chapter in your life and you’ll find other friends to be with you.

    Chin up and keep running 🙂

  2. Mary says:

    Yes, of course we all have been snubbed and left to wonder why. I have recently found myself having to soothe the hurt my nine year old daughter has felt being left out. She is entering that really hard age group that sometimes includes a lot of this being left out business. I told her that it can happen as an adult too and still can sting no matter how old we are. I remind her and myself as needed that we are not the opinions or the omissions of others. I validate her hurt but then point out all the friends she has who do not treat her poorly and most important I tell her that now she has the responsibility to make sure that no one she knows ever feels this way.
    And anyway, you got a pack that wants to run with you. I don’t know that other bunch, but I don’t need to, we are way cooler!

  3. ladysantora says:

    I started running a year ago. My problem seems to be more with people telling me they want to start running but then never do. I don’t mind running alone but wouldn’t mind finding someone to run with occasionally.

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