What if?

I would be lying if I didn’t admit that I am disappointed that I didn’t run a sub 4 at the Chicago marathon. I have been playing the “what ifs” ever since and it’s driving me crazy. Don’t get me wrong, I am very proud of my 21 plus minute PR, but it stings a little bit that I worked so hard towards a specific time goal and fell a bit short. So this post is a small little vent to get the what if’s out of my brain once and for all.

What if I my Garmin was set up properly and I never had to try and fix it while I was running?

What if I didn’t run so fast when my watch wasn’t working?

What if my back didn’t get effed up the Friday before the marathon?

What if I had not taken those naproxen the day of and the day before the marathon?

What if I had started in wave 2 and ran with my friend who got a sub 4?

What if I didn’t stop to give my girls hugs and kisses between mile 18 and 19?

What if I didn’t eat those bites of turkey sandwich and potato chips that I asked my husband to bring me on the course?

What if I didn’t walk through those aid stations in the last few miles of the marathon?

What if I stopped at less aid stations?

What if I strengthened my lower body with more weight training pre marathon?

This is all probably a symptom of my post-marathon depression. I’ve been feeling super blah these last few days. I’m eating more, sleeping more, super irritable and feel just plain lazy. Now that I have laid most it out here maybe I can let it go, get past it and celebrate what I did accomplish.

Have you ever been close to a goal but not close enough? How did you deal with it?

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6 Responses to What if?

  1. superbooruns says:

    i ran a 2:00:22 half marathon, while shooting for sub 2.
    bottom line, we made the choices we did for a reason. as hard as it can be to just miss a goal, the alternate perspective is that getting close is pretty darn awesome too.

  2. pedinp says:

    I had a huge PR at Chicago this time but yes…what if I didn’t have to fix my music…what if I didn’t have to make 3 potty stops…what if I didn’t have to stop 3 times to refill my water bottle…what if I didn’t stop to hug my friends…I’m so happy with my finish time–would I have done better without all those stops? Who knows? I can say that I had fun and loved every minute of this marathon. And that in itself is a victory for me!

    You ran a strong race, be proud of that! And there’s always next year…

    ~Wendy at Taking the Long Way Home

  3. lauramomma27 says:

    OMG Anne!!! LOL we were both there, kind of freaky glad you found me here which though my blog started out about running and fitness has kind of turned into an inspirational blog.You know I hate how we get so into running we down ourselves for not doing better than we wanted to.. OMG GF You ran a marathon!!!! Was it your first? It was my second, and I became a runner after I turned 41 having never run before in my life. I just want to shake you and say BE PROUD OF YOURSELF NO DOWNING SORRY!! As I said to my weird twin who we ran it together last year #werefingmarathonrunnersgf!!! This year I wasn’t even going to run it because circumstances, jerks and granbabies got in the way seriously of my training. I’m amazed I finished at all and really don’t care how I did. Last year I ran it in 5.08, this year 5.40. Whatever. You rock just remember that. I was amazed to see this post having been there too.. and your a fellow Chicagoan.. and that theirs a “Chicago Runners Blog group! Though I don’t know do I still qualify to be in it? Can you get me in? I have to get back out their and start running again soon.. I messed up my ankle (I fell flat on my face in that tunnel after hitting a pothole) but got back up and ran on it until I couldn’t run anymore and walked the rest. Its almost better thank God not a major sprain.. have had those before lol! What if I didn’t hit the pothole?? LOLOL.. shoot. I’m just glad its behind me now. #runnerlove atcha. Wow you got me excited about running again and I’d lost that. Thanks.
    Laura

  4. Jason says:

    You were great!! No regrets!!

  5. Mike (Fasterthanfrank.blogspot.com) says:

    A little late to the conversation but I just discovered your blog and had the exact same thing happen to me so I thought I’d weigh in. Back in 2005 I had made the decision to go for a sub-4 at Chicago and I worked my tail off…I ran more miles than I ever had and even hired a coach to help me. I was on pace for about 18 miles then had a twinge in my knee, which was just enough of a crack to break my concentration and I was done. I ended up finishing in 4:07. It really bothered me for a long time as well, and I really didn’t garner a lot of perspective for it for a few years.

    When my sons got old enough I started coaching basketball and I had a kid that had a monster game one night, but he blamed himself for our team losing because the guy who he was guarding scored the winning basket. This was a sixth-grade kid that had eight points and 22 rebounds in the game and had scored the go-ahead basket that put us in the lead a few moments before. He was beating himself up and I said that if you sit and analyze what you did and didn’t do, you will drive yourself crazy! In the end we can always sit back and wish we had done something differently, but in the end if you feel deep down you did he best you could do then that’s where you have to just let it go and try and do better next time. Most runners who set lofty goals don’t achieve them the first time, it sometimes takes trial, error and experience to figure out what it takes for YOU to reach that goal. Look at it objectively, fix what you can fix and take that to the next starting line!

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